Meeting Partners

Why?

Why should I connect with my scene partner(s) in advance?

• Anxiety Reduction: Familiarity with your scene partner(s) significantly reduces nerves and stress on the day of the shoot. Study: Zajonc, R. B. (1968). Attitudinal Effects of Mere Exposure
• Performance Quality: An established rapport translates to more authentic chemistry, natural communication, and fluid movements on camera. This reduces the awkwardness, number of takes needed, and time you have to spend "breaking the ice". Studies: Edmondson, A. C. (1999). Psychological Safety and Learning Behavior in Work Teams, Frazier, M. L., Fainshmidt, S., Klinger, R. L., Pezeshkan, A., & Vracheva, V. (2017). Psychological Safety: A Meta‐Analytic Review and Extension
• Professional Safety: Meeting in a public setting allows for a no-pressure discussion of boundaries, preferences, and concerns. This discussion helps establish mutual respect and creates a safer working environment for everyone.
• Logistical Clarification: This meeting can provide clarity on practical details, ensuring you are aligned.

Where? When?

If I connect with my scene partners, where and when should I do it?

• When?: A day before the shoot, during daylight, is perfect. This allows you to build rapport and keeps your interaction fresh, while allowing you the night to think any last questions over for the next day. Study: Kühnel, J., & Sonnentag, S. (2011). How long do you benefit from vacation?
• Where?: Always start in a open public place. Grabbing coffee at a cafe, a light bite at a restaurant, or a walk in a public park are all common and time-tested ideas. Study: Schmidt, S., & Keating, J. P. (1979). Human crowding and personal control
• Attendees: If you are a little nervous, bring your company representative along for as much of the meeting as you'd like. They can facilitate conversation, take notes, or be of help in any other way. Study: Edmondson, A. C., & Roloff, K. S. (2009). Leveraging Diversity through Psychological Safety

Building Rapport

Starting your meeting and setting it up for success.

• Casual Conversation: Discuss interests, personal backgrounds, hobbies, etc. Study: Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness
• Professional Practices: Discuss your on-set etiquette preference (pure professionalism is the default-- do you like it a little more casual or do you want it as formal as possible?). Study: Gersick, C. J., & Hackman, J. R. (1990). Habitual routines in task-performing groups

Discussing the Scene

The most crucial conversation to have.

• Boundaries & Limits: Clearly state your hard limits, areas of sensitivity, and acts you will not perform and do not want to have performed in front of you. Listen and acknowledge to your partner(s) when they tell you their list(s). Studies: Jozkowski, K. N., Peterson, Z. D., Sanders, S. A., Dennis, B., & Reece, M. (2014). Consenting to Sexual Activity, Wegner, D. M. (1987). Transactive Memory: A Contemporary Analysis of the Group Mind
• Health & Safety Protocols: Affirm as a personal promise to your partner(s) that you understand and comply with the safety protocols. Provide a brief summary of your personal routine, and what you will be doing before the scene. Discuss safewords that you will use tomorrow. Studies: Haynes, A. B., Weiser, T. G., Berry, W. R., et al. (2009). A Surgical Safety Checklist.
• Scene Mechanics: Walk through the scene's basic choreography, shot by shot, noting any physical challenges, positions, or transitions that could require extra attention. Your company representative, if present, will be immensely helpful here. Study: Driskell, J. E., Copper, C., & Moran, A. (1994). Does mental practice enhance performance?
• Aftercare: What do you need after the scene? Do you just need your personal space or do you want a verbal debrief? Maybe something else entirely?

Intimacy

Do you want to be intimate with your partner(s) in advance of your scene?

Pre-scene intimacy is entirely optional. This is a personal choice, without professional obligation or expectation.

Pre-scene intimacy has numerous potential benefits, including:

• Minimized anxiety and nervousness (study: Zajonc, R. B. (1968). Attitudinal Effects of Mere Exposure)
• Stronger building of trust (study: Rempel, J. K., Holmes, J. G., & Zanna, M. P. (1985). Trust in close relationships)
• Creation of a physical chemistry that reflects on camera (study: Shah, J., & Higgins, E. T. (1997). Expectancy × value effects)

There are, however, some risks, primarily:

• Failure to emotionally compartmentalize may increase awkwardness
• Increasing fatigue before shooting day, if done later in the day

If all parties are interested, consider treating it as a continuation of professional dialogue, even though this is outside of professional obligations and expectations.

Here are some ideas for pre-scene intimacy:

• Dry Run: Act out the scene "dry" (with undergarments), and discuss any awkwardness, physical challenges, positions, or transitions that could require extra attention. Your company representative, if still present, will be immensely helpful here. Study: Feltz, D. L., & Landers, D. M. (1983). The effects of mental practice on motor skill learning and performance.
• Non-Sexual Physical Comfort: Engage in structured, non-sexual touch to acclimate to your partner(s)' physical presence. Try a brief mutual massage on shoulders, hands, feet, or backs to alleviate tension, breathing in sync, and/or practicing partner stretches.
• Consent Touch Mapping: Practice explicit verbal consent in this communication drill. Studies: Hickman, S. E., & Muehlenhard, C. L. (1999). "By the Semi-Mystical Appearance of a Condom": How Young Women and Men Communicate Sexual Consent in Heterosexual Situations, Peterson, Z. D., & Muehlenhard, C. L. (2007). What Is Sex and Why Does It Matter? A Motivational Approach to Exploring Individuals’ Definitions of Sex.
  • For pairs of two, partners sit or stand facing each other, close enough to touch comfortably. Partner A selects the first area from the list and asks "Can I touch you in/on [area]?". Partner B says "Yes" or "No". If no, partner A says "Okay, I won't touch you in/on [area]." Otherwise, partner A slowly places their entire hand or finger(s) as appropriate in/on the area, rests for a couple seconds applying light pressure if appropriate, and removes their hand or finger(s). Partner B says "Thank you" after both the acknowledgment of non-consent or the touch. Roles reverse, and partner B asks about the same area on partner A's body. Partner A moves to the next item. Repeat until the list is complete.
  • For groups of 3 or more, form a circle. The exercise proceeds in a round. Person 1 selects the first area from the list and asks "Can I touch you in/on [area]?". Partner 2 (to the right of partner 1) says "Yes" or "No". If no, partner 1 says "Okay, I won't touch you in/on [area]." Otherwise, partner 1 slowly places their entire hand or finger(s) as appropriate in/on the area, rests for a couple seconds applying light pressure if appropriate, and removes their hand or finger(s). Partner 2 says "Thank you" after both the acknowledgment of non-consent or the touch. Partner 2 now asks about the same area on partner 3's body, and the circle goes until partner 1 is asked. Partner 1 now moves to the next item. Repeat until the list is complete.
  • The touch mapping list:
    1. Back of the hand (on)
    2. Palm (on)
    3. Forearm (on)
    4. Shoulder (on)
    5. Top of head/hair (on)
    6. Back of neck (on)
    7. Face/cheek (on)
    8. Neck (on the side of)
    9. Collarbone (along)
    10. Upper back (on)
    11. Lower back (on)
    12. Knee (on)
    13. Foot (on top of)
    14. Abdomen/stomach (on)
    15. Hip (on the side of)
    16. Outer thigh (on)
    17. Buttocks (on)
    18. Inner thigh (on)
    19. Breast (on)
    20. Genitals (on)
  • If the company representative is stull present, they could be useful as a facilitator, announcing the next area, ensuring the "no" is respected, and providing a debrief (what did we learn about self and others, etc.).
• Mutual Massages: Each partner gives a brief 5-10 minute massage with lotion (roles swapped at end). Massage begins at upper back using a firm and slow touch, with the giver making observations about the receiver's body (i.e., "Your shoulder is tense" or "You breathe more deeply when I press here"). Massage progresses to arms, then down to lower back, buttocks, legs, and feet. Receiver turns over, massage starts at feet, works up to legs, genitals (discuss prior), abdomen, chest/breasts (discuss prior), and arms. Reverse or rotate roles. The company representative does not have a large role here, though if present can ensure ongoing consent and manage timings. Study: Morhenn, V., Beavin, L. E., & Zak, P. J. (2012). Massage increases oxytocin and reduces adrenocorticotropin hormone in humans
• Sexual/Intimate Focus Only: Mutual Masturbation: Engage in mutual masturbation for 5 or 10 minutes. Additional explicit consent required. Remember that this is not a professional obligation or expectation, and must be wholly voluntary on the part of all involved parties. Study: Kaestle, C. E., & Allen, K. R. (2011). The Role of Masturbation in Healthy Sexual Development
• Sexual/Intimate Focus Only: Mutual Oral Stimulation: Engage in oral stimulation for 5 or 10 minutes, switching roles. Additional explicit consent required. Remember that this is not a professional obligation or expectation, and must be wholly voluntary on the part of all involved parties. Study: Burleson, M. H., Trevathan, W. R., & Todd, M. (2007). In the mood for love or vice versa? Exploring the relations among sexual activity....
• Sexual/Intimate Focus Only: Full Intimate Encounter: Freestyle intimate encounter, which may include penetration. At discretion of the model. Additional explicit consent required. Remember that this is not a professional obligation or expectation, and must be wholly voluntary on the part of all involved parties. After discussing what to do, ask the company representative to leave unless you absolutely require their presence. Study: Dewitte, M. (2016). On the interpersonal dynamics of sexuality.